Hyoudou Issei: True Lucky Pervert of Infinity
by Silent Songbird
Summary: Everyone tries to humanize Issei and make him less perverted, but where's the fun in that? What if Issei was MORE perverted than his canon self and his utter perversion began to warp the very reality around him? What if he gained the fabled "Lucky Pervert" trait stapled in most harem comedies as a result and used this to his advantage? Crack-ish, smutfic; Not to be taken seriously.
1. First Date!

**I have tons, quite literally tons of material for DxD: GOTYE that never entered the story. These aspects I cut out for either being too zany, too absurd, too lewd, or just damn creepy. Of course, I couldn't bring myself to delete the material, and it just kept piling up. Rather than let it be covered in dust, I decided to polish it up, give it a new title and post it as this fic.**

 **Which is why I will say this now:**

 **THIS FIC IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY!**

 **I'm more heavily focused and invested in my other works, which can be scrutinized to your hearts content, but this particular one is just here because I felt like putting it up on a whim and give people some quick laughs with dark humor and ecchi... and because a friend introduced me to the Rance eroge games.**

 **That said, beware of non-con and character rape (NOT SERIOUS) courtesy of a particular slime character and/or the main protagonist.**

* * *

 **Hyoudou Issei – True Lucky Pervert of Infinity**

 **Prologue: The First Date**

* * *

"That's it! I can't take it anymore!"

The Fallen Angel Raynare, had never experienced such an infuriatingly insane mission in her entire life. She knew about Hyoudou Issei, that the boy was an insane pervert who spent his entire time peeking at girls in the shower or beating his meat to x-rated home videos in the comfort of his own home. She couldn't believe that someone like him had a Sacred Gear worthy of any notice, and her plan had been to ask him out on a date, give him some form of hope about his pathetic miserable life, and then kill him.

Except, the date had gone absolutely nowhere near the way she predicted. It had started off innocently enough, with her stumbling and ending up pushing her large breasts into his hands. Then, she found herself tripping on nothing but air as she fell and shoved her breast into his face. Then when they had gotten to the movies, the ice cream machine there had somehow malfunctioned, and caused her to be sprayed from head to toe in the white substance. Her attempts to clean up in the bathroom caused the tap to explode and then drench her in water.

Then _everything_ went downhill from there.

Attempting to dry her clothes with her powers had caused them to all but evaporate, leaving her stark naked. She had eventually changed into her normal leather outfit, and then knocked out an innocuous female who had entered the restroom as she took the girl's clothes.

By the time they _finally_ entered the cinema, the movie they were supposed to watch had finished, and instead, somehow, the Cinema hand knew the boy, and had snuck them in to see whatever was showing on the screen. Of course, it had to have been an extremely lewd, easily R-rated production that made even _her_ blush, but made the pervert merely shrug, claiming he had seen it before.

Then of course, she started feeling a sensation down below, and realized that the clothes she had stolen had a cell-phone within it, which, had slipped from the skirt into the leather she wore underneath and was now against her crotch, whilst so coincidentally being on vibrate.

Her attempt to stand up to make the excuse of wanting to use the restroom was stopped cold when she realized that merely standing would multiply the vibrating sensations, and almost reduced her to a blithering mess.

She had to sit still, for a whole two hours, as the phone constantly vibrated against her womanly parts, whilst watching an extremely lewd movie. It was _the_ single greatest test of her sexual endurance _ever_ posited on her before.

When the movie had finally ended, she had attempted to rush to the restroom, only to slip on a pile of buttered popcorn, landing on the ground, and in view of several people, reared her head back as she suffered from a long string of concussive simultaneous orgasms.

Some had even taken pictures!

Despite being a Fallen Angel and a being who fed on sexual desires of men, she found herself more red-faced than she had ever been, having to immediately delete the memories and incriminating evidence from the minds of everyone who had seen her.

She had attempted scrambling away from the scene, only to be stopped, as several police officers had approached her, and demanded that she be taken in for questioning on accounts of assault and theft.

She was handcuffed before she could delete their memories, and eventually left, only to turn and find Issei staring at her hands, wondering why she was in cuffs, and she could simply not break out of it with her powers without drawing serious suspicion.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, was more infuriating than the boy's calm, somewhat caring gaze, as though he wasn't the source of all her misery! And so, she stormed off, finding herself in the park where she had planned on killing him in the first place, and he had approached, still with that look of innocence that made her want nothing more than to bash his face in.

"I have had it! Now I know what sort of monstrous power you possess that makes Azazel-sama want to keep his eye on you, but I will not let you make a fool of me any longer!"

She broke free of the handcuffs with ease, ripping the false clothes as she revealed herself, clad in the leather armor, ready to once and for all put an end to –

"What are – are you _masturbating?_ "

The boy's pants had dropped to his ankles, and so had his boxers, revealing his member, with long girth and somewhat hitting eight inches, far larger than the average Japanese male, she stared at him with a mix of revulsion and utter bewilderment.

"There's a Fallen Angel in skimpy clothes literally dripping wet in front of me. Either I'm being punked in some a reality TV show, I'm dreaming, or I've somehow become the main character of a hentai. So yeah, I'm masturbating."

"You twisted, piece of –"

He gestured his hand up in motions that resembled someone pushing a remote. "Can we skip the part where you're still in faux denial, and get to the part where you're draped all over me?"

She blanched. "What?"

He gestured his palms towards his rod. "This dick isn't going to suck itself you know."

"You're not in a fucking hentai!"

"Yeah, you say that but…" Issei stared at the liquid flowing down the girl's legs and her clearly erect nipples.

"That's it!" A large light spear formed in her hands and –

"W-w-w-what?! Why is my spear shaped like a dildo?"

She stared at the large phallic object in confusion, dismissing it before summoning another one, and it returned in the exact same shape.

"You know, you might be on to something about this not being a hentai. It's way too poor in quality, and you're a really terrible pornstar, six minutes in and you're just playing with yourself."

She watched as the boy sighed, before dragging up his trousers, zipping up and turned his back to walk away.

"W-w-where do you think you're going?!"

"Home. To some real porn."

She blinked. All at once, she was filled with rage.

"That's it!" She lunged at him, going at full speed with her fist reared back, ready more than ever to kill the infernal, lustful abomination from the darkest pits of hell –

"Oh! A thousand yen bill!"

He bent, at that particular moment, and Raynare's eyes widened as she missed her target, finding herself slamming head first into the cement and ceramic water fountain. The geyser exploded, the resulting shockwave knocking down a nearby lamp fixture.

There was the flash of wires from the lamp post slowly approaching the water and all at once the Fallen Angel swore.

"EEAAARRRGGH!"

The volts of electricity which shot through every inch and every cranny of her body sent her shaking violently for at least three full minutes, until it came to an abrupt stop, and she fell over, eyes rolled into the back of her head in unconsciousness.

Hyoudou Issei stared, rubbing the back of his head as he approached the electrocuted woman. He reached into his pocket, bringing out a small notebook filled with the list of numerous sexual acts and challenges, before likewise bringing a pencil out of his pocket, striking out the entry for necrophilia.

Only to frown as the woman still twitched.

He decided to rub off the error in judgement.

In more ways than one.


	2. Beast of Kuoh!

**I do not own High School DxD, and this is just for fun. Enjoy.**

* * *

Raynare awoke with a groan, still feeling the lingering effects of her electrocution which would have no doubt killed a human being with ease. The Fallen Angel's eyes opened, finding herself in a dark room, and immediately trying to adjust her vision to the darkness, as she tried to identify where she was.

She tried to move, only to blink in confusion as she found herself unable to do so. More particularly, she realized that her entire body was in a position that was somewhat extremely uncomfortable. She instantly realized that she was tied down and suspended in the air with a strong material, crisscrossing across her body and chest in diamond shaped pattern, before tying her arms together at her back in a manner that not even brute strength would be able to aid her in breaking free, unless she was willing to dislocate both of her shoulders to do so.

She let out a 'tsk' in annoyance as she realized that she couldn't form light spears this way, and then frowned at the taste she could feel in her mouth.

"Why do my lips taste so salty?"

The lights immediately came on, causing her to swear as she had to blink multiple times to adjust her vision to the room.

She was in what seemed to be a large bedroom, the walls covered in images and posters of what were clearly hentai animations, though there were some regular ones in there as well, and quite particularly, she realized that she was indeed suspended in the air by what looked to be a home-made contraption which consisted of strong, metal bars that had been _welded_ unto the ceiling, and several black, long cables.

Then, she watched him walk into the room whistling of all bloody things, the song, _Can you feel the love tonight_?

"Hyoudou Issei! I swear to every deity on this god-forsaken planet! Once I get out of this perverted entanglement, I will tear you limb from limb!"

He acted as though he hadn't heard her, instead crouched in front of her, and in the same blank monotone, he spoke.

"This is going to be the first and last time I ever say this but…"

He reached into his pocket, grabbed out a small notebook to which she could not read the list of items there, before seemingly crossing something out with a pencil and placing it back as he began clearing his throat. He then gazed into her eyes, looking as though he had found a rare and forgotten gem.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

There was a _beat_.

"Did you just –"

"Use the fallen angel pick up line on an actual fallen angel? Yes, yes I did."

The silence stretched.

"There is a special place in hell for people like you."

He shrugged, leaving the Fallen Angel somewhat annoyed at the confusing mesh of a human boy in front of her. The boy slung a bag over his shoulder, heaped a large tired sigh, and proceeded to head towards the door.

"W-wait! Where are you going?"

He gave her a glance. "School. Where else?"

"You can't just leave me here!"

"Hmm?" He stared at her before glancing at the door. "I dunno, there isn't really a giant elephant blocking by path –"

"I mean you can't just leave me _tied_ up like this for hours doing nothing!"

He gave another noncommittal shrug. "You'll get used to it."

"And if I don't?" she snarked back.

"You'll die."

She let out a scoff. "Bullshit. You don't have the guts to kill me! This doesn't look like the room of someone with that mindset. I'm sure all of this is just for show, and inside, you're another weak little pervert who's too scared to touch a woman!"

"You're right."

"Hah! I knew – wait, what?"

Issei rubbed his chin. "I can't just leave you tied up here for hours, you'd probably get antsy and break your arms trying to escape."

The boy moved over to a drawer, before grabbing a long roll of duct tape.

"W-what are you doing with t-that?"

He tore a portion of it with his mouth and then moved over to Raynare, his grin still on.

"Hey – what do you think you're doi~! Ouch! Goddamn it!"

The boy pasted the duct tape on the girl's eyelids, making sure they opened her eyes wide to a level in which she was unable to close them, or even as much as blink.

"What is the meaning of all of this?"

"I don't want you to be bored while I'm gone, so I'm going to put on several seasons of a certain western show to keep you entertained."

Raynare's eyes which were widened, had no choice but to watch, as a certain show came up.

The boy then turned around, and left the room.

"Tsk! Is this his attempt at torture – as though there is anything out there that could possibly mentally scar a fallen angel like myself –"

" _Hello kids! I'm Uncle Grandpa! I'm your uncle_ _ **and**_ _your Grandpa!_ _ **"**_

Raynare screamed.

* * *

His name was Hyoudou Issei. Several years ago, he had met a mysterious man in the park and ended up deciding to be a pervert. Except, Issei didn't want to do things particularly halfway – he decided that he was going to be the best pervert he could be, and strove to accomplish that task.

The Beast of Kuoh Academy walked down the halls of the school, and looked on, with no small amount of apathy, as girls seemed to scurry away from him the second they managed to find themselves within his range of vision.

"The Beast is coming this way! Run!"

"Beast?"

"He's a monster and utter fiend! They say that he can strip your underwear from under your skirt with just a glance of his eyes!"

"I heard that he can make you kiss his junk with a tap of his wrist!"

"They say he was caught with Katase one time, with her panties around her ankles, just because she had bumped into him!"

Issei's eyes twitched in a small amount of annoyance, and a tiny bit of satisfaction. Yes, he was a perverted individual, but of course, he made some rules for himself, in order to curb his perverseness. The first rule was simple, he was not to do anything that would run him afoul of the law or could reasonably have him sentenced to life imprisonment or death. Which meant, forcing himself on other human beings in his quest for the perverse was an utter no-no. The second of course, was an age restriction. Girls below thirteen were utterly off limits, and he had no real interest in jailbait, likewise went for women above forty.

The third rule however, was perhaps, the most flexible.

Nonetheless, Issei had soon learned that the more perverted things he did or actions he undertook, the more in particular he began somehow affecting the very world around him. With years and years of harem and ecchi manga at his fingertips, he had easily learned to manipulate this power of the perverse to his utter and complete advantage.

Of course, had he been a science fiction guru, he would have known that his powers technically counted as Causality Manipulation – and was a rather extremely high tier.

But seeing as how he wasn't and seeing as how he did not _care_ , Issei was more than content to carry on with school activities without so much of a hassle.

' _Oh yeah… got a fallen angel chick who was trying to kill me. I probably need to find out more 'bout that stuff._ '

He merely considered as one of the numerous challenges on his road as a pervert.

Haters gotta hate after all.

* * *

Sona Sitri was not one to waste an opportunity when it was presented to her, nor was she one to hesitate to take action. Victory had never been associated with long delays, and though she had given her friend the grace to concoct whatever plan she had for Hyoudou Issei, her grace had been enough, and Sona also had her own dreams she was trying to fulfill. She would not sit back and wait anymore while Rias twiddled her fingers.

With her loyal Queen and Vice President behind her, they had tracked down Hyoudou Issei to the basic Home Ec class which was just ending, and she intended to make him a member of her peerage at once, without having the time or the energy to hesitate.

There were strange rumors about the boy… and his almost comic, cartoonish ability to land himself in perverted scenarios, but Sona found it all to be exaggerated rumors, as she noticed him with an apron, apparently having completed the baking requirement for the class. In his hands were a crate of eggs, most likely the remainder of whatever was not used for the baking.

"Hyoudou Issei."

She called out, and watched as he rose his dead-as-fish eyes towards her, squinting in a mix of annoyance and recognition. He was good, she noted, the way he had utterly roamed her entire body and checked her out was done so quickly and so subtly that anyone else but her would have missed it.

"If you would kindly come with me, you have some issues to discuss with the Student Council."

The boy seemed to give a nonchalant shrug, as though to indicate that he did not care either way.

"Alright, just let me drop thi –"

Sona's eyes looked sharp as the boy had slipped – when did that convenient patch of flour on the floor appear? – and the crate of eggs in his hand went soaring towards her.

Her Queen had moved, attempting to catch it, but _attempting_ being the keyword as she somehow flopped backwards on even _more_ flour, and ended up accidentally dragging Sona with her.

The barrage of poultry produce slammed into her face and chest, the impact not being so much as painful as it was unexpected, and likewise it followed her as she landed with a plop, Tsubaki unintentionally weighting their fall.

Sona did not need to glance at their reflection in the kitchen ware to know how it looked. Her entire face and body was splattered with eggs, somehow managing to cover up a huge part of her face in that sticky, liquid-like manner that eggs did, and it had somehow entered her mouth, leaving her placing her tongue out at the distaste of raw eggs, and leaving a mixed trail of saliva and egg whites from her tongue, down her chin and unto her body. She shuddered at the feeling as the egg whites draped around her, drenching her clothes, her arms, and down to her legs, which glistened and shone with the shiny substance in ways that would look to an outside observer as something that they most certainly _were not_.

Likewise, somehow, someway, despite her rational mind telling her that it was impossible, she and her Queen had landed with their skirts flipped up, and their legs entangled, as their respective female parts and panties rubbed against each other, in what would easily look like a sexual position for a pair of lesbian lovers, right down to the moment an egg had cracked on their kissed underwear, and the whites gave it a sheen and texture that utterly implied actions that Sona had never even _seen_ before, much less partook of.

As though to add insult to injury, there was a flash which went off, and she stood, watching Hyoudou Issei with a phone in hand, before the boy had the gall to whistle as though he had not just taken a picture of her and her Queen in an embarrassing state, before he turned around and coughed into his hand.

"I'll er – just let you two have some privacy."

Sona and Tsubaki proceeded to react in the way any female who had somehow found themselves the butt end of fate's sexual practical joke.

They squealed, stuttered like the school girls they were, and proceeded to dash out faster than most people would be able to blink.

Thus cemented the legend of Hyoudou Issei – Beast of Kuoh Academy, that had thawed the unflappable queens of ice.

Thus did the reign of soaked panties and hidden boners begin.

* * *

Raynare could only thank the Lord for small miracles, even though the show had been extremely discomforting to watch, it seemed that the DVD player had possessed other disks in it than just the nightmarish insanity that had almost driven her to complete and utter states of madness.

She did not even know _where_ to start, how to begin – what to even _say_ , all of it was lost by ridiculous voices and singing, and inexplicable feats of utter madness.

It had been three hours, since she had been tethered to the edge of her sanity, but now, now that it had gone off, she could try and focus on creating a dagger of light to cut herself free.

The TV blared on once more, and Raynare stared, seeing as though her watery red eyes were forced open by the duct tape that held her eyelids apart, as the image which came up was that of a room, clearly being shot in first person perspective.

Instantly, there was a naked Asian woman, most likely in her early twenties, straddled across on a bed, scantily rubbing her snatch and seemingly tantalizingly inviting the one wielding the camera to come towards her.

"H-ha, he left his porn inside… it seems his luck ran out… I can handle a little pornogra –"

The sound of bleating came upon the screen and a goat clambered upon the bed.

"… bestiality, that is nothing for a being of lust such as my –"

It was instantly followed by the appearance of a large, fat man that she easily recognized as a sumo wrestler.

"…This cannot get any worse."

Then, two black midgets came up onto the screen.

"…Fuck."


	3. Cats and Dragons!

**I do not own High School DxD. I do however own the idea for a my own full length science-fantasy novel. That's right, thanks to you loving reviewers convincing me that I just might be a halfway decent author, I had decided to sit down and write something original. It's a little under 70k words so far, but once it's done, I'll be sure to dedicate it to you eccentric bunch. Hell, I might even put it up for free on Amazon for a while, but let's not get too dreamy eyed, I still have to finish the damn thing.**

 **Anyway, back to the story.**

* * *

To Hyoudou Issei, the act of perversion was an art, it was an art that needed to be utterly and completely fine-tuned to the point in which it could even be weaponized against his enemies. Of course, his love for the art was what made him what and who he was, and as such, it was not a surprise to find Hyoudou Issei peeking on the changing rooms of the girls, especially after gym class.

Of course, he wasn't just standing outside of a door or a window or hole to peep, no, that would be utterly crude, and an insult to the sheer brilliance that was voyeurism.

Rather, Hyoudou Issei lay flat on his chest, a nice large sandwich with a can of lime soda beside him, on a rooftop directly adjacent to his target building, with a remote control device in one hand, and a small video-screen like device in the other. The remote in question was directly intended to control the small, miniscule like camera which was placed on the back of a lab mouse that Issei had liberated from the school, and then trained extensively in the act of infiltration and espionage.

Codenamed: Jelly, the mouse was now moving through the vents of the changing rooms, and had eventually come to a stop, giving Issei the full view of the numerous girls within.

"Hmm… Murayama-sempai seems to have grown a bit since last time. And… Katase isn't really developing chest-wise, but I suppose she makes up for it with that ass."

Busy as he was, he was caught off guard upon realizing that there was someone who had come up to his position with him.

"I hate perverts."

The deadpan, but yet surprisingly cold tone of voice gave him momentary pause, as he turned his attention to the small, petite little girl with white hair, wearing the familiar Kuoh Academy female uniform.

Issei shrugged. "You say that now, but in a couple of years when your virgin boyfriend fails to make you hit the big 'O', you'll be glad we exist."

The girl's eye twitched. "You – you are Hyoudou-senpai are you not?"

Issei turned his attention back to the girl. "That depends on who's asking."

"Toujou Koneko. First Year."

"In that case, I am most definitely _not_ Hyoudou Issei. You have never met me, never seen me, and never heard of me."

She blinked. "W-what?"

Issei sighed. "Look here kitty, I don't know what the first year girls are spreading, but no, I am _not_ conscripting lolis into my pimp organization, I do not even _have_ a pimp organization, and if I did, I would not fill it up with girls that have pimples for tits."

It was like a metaphysical arrow had pierced her chest, and she could not help but step back as her arms subconsciously crossed in front of her chest.

Issei noticed the gesture and put his hands up in a placating manner.

"Relax, I'm sure you're still growing. You might be as busty as a chopping board up front but you've got those strong creamy legs and that firm backside working for you."

"I do not feel comfortable with you casually talking about my body Hyoudou-senpai."

He waved her off. "You're in no danger here. If I wanted to throw aside my morals and force myself on a girl, you definitely wouldn't be the one I would risk going to jail for."

Her left eye twitched again. "That is not entirely comforting Hyoudou-senpai."

"It is what it is." Issei said with a shrug, before he rubbed his chin and stared at her body "Though… it is a confirmed fact that massaging and fondling breasts make them larger, and if you're ever interested –"

"Hyoudou-senpai, I would not let you touch my body even if you were the last man on earth."

Issei snorted. "If I was the last man on earth, you think you'd have a choice?"

She took two steps back.

"Oi –I'm kidding! If I was the last man on earth I'd just jack off to you instead!"

She took another step backwards for good measure, only for the girl to step on his sandwich and slip.

Issei watched, in death-defying slow motion, as the girl fell forward, hands twirling in the air in some sort of futile attempt to regain balance, but instead she was sent barreling into him like Issei expected, only, what the pervert had not been expecting, was for her chest to slam into his head by accident, and though he had momentarily enjoyed the soft impact of a still developing pair of titties, there was not enough necessary flesh to soften the blow, and instead, he found his head being slammed into by the girl's sturdy ribcage, knocking him into a dark, empty abyss.

* * *

Rias Gremory let out a deep, reverberating sigh. There was so much going on that she did not understand, that she could not even understand, from rumors of Sona and Tsubaki being a secret lesbian couple, to others of claiming that the duo had been in a ménage a trois with the resident Beast of Kuoh, she didn't even know what to believe anymore.

What she did know however, was that Sona had attempted to make a move to recruit Issei to her peerage, and fortunately for her, Sona's attempts had somehow failed.

Thus, she had decided to send out her sole Rook to recruit the reclusive pervert before Sona gathered her wits and decided to try again.

What she had _not_ been expecting however, was to find Koneko dangling over the edge of one of the school's buildings, with nothing but her underwear.

"Ara ara… so… scandalous."

Rias rolled her eyes at her Queen, clearly someone as masochistic as Akeno was aroused at the sight of the harsh wedgie that Koneko was no doubt experiencing. Rias subconsciously rubbed her thighs together in a small wince, as she noted how Koneko's bright white and blue striped underwear was quite literally stretched to its limits, and the ends of the elastic material dug into the sensitive womanly parts of her Rook, and was quite literally the only thing keeping her suspended from falling.

On that day, lolicons everywhere rejoiced, as they had gotten an unobstructed view of 'the little kitten' of the academy's cutest mascot.

"Akeno – let's help Koneko-chan down before she gets angry at the number of people who have now seen her…"

Rias was not exactly the most prudent of individuals, and rather, she advertised her sensuality, but even she would feel absolutely mortified if half of the entire academy were to view her womanly parts as though it was up for display.

Her Rook could have most likely simply jumped down, but there were far too many people viewing her for it do have been done without drawing serious suspicion.

Rias shook her head and sighed. "I really hope Hyoudou Issei is truly worth all this trouble."

* * *

Issei stood in a large, empty world that seemed to have no beginning and no end, and was merely filled with a large void of darkness, the darkness was not cold, but somehow, at the same time, it was not warm.

"She knocked me out with her breasts. Can't say any other man in the world was knocked unconscious by titties before." He said, scratching his head as he tried to understand what just happened. One minute, he was preparing to be entangled with a petite girl, the next, he was in a large void.

" _YOU! HYOUDOU ISSEI!_ "

Issei turned, raising one eyebrow as he met what was essentially a young, slender woman with large – dam boi those melons – breasts, but what particularly stood out was the draconian features, which of course included the long tail, the red scales, the fangs and the claws.

"So… lizard girl. That's a thing."

" _NO! It is NOT a thing! My name is Ddraig! And I am – was – a giant, MALE dragon!_ "

Issei looked up and down Ddraig appreciatively. "That sex change has done you wonders."

" _YOU FOOL! This is all YOUR fault!_ "

Issei rose an eyebrow. "Say what now?"

" _You are a being of utter and complete depravity and perversion!"_

"Thank you."

" _I didn't mean it as a compliment!"_ Ddraig let out a sigh, running her(his?) hand down his(her?) face.

" _Somehow, your sheer perversion seeps into everything and anything around you, and seeing as how I am sealed into the Sacred Gear inside you, it began to affect me as well, turning me into – wait, do you have an erection?!"_

Issei was simply staring at Ddraig, and although the draconian woman claimed to be a large male dragon, all Issei could see was a very naked, very sexy lizard-girl, who's every movement led those dam boi melons to sway in convincing hypnotic patterns.

"Huh? Hold up I need to rub one off if you want me to concentrate –"

" _IF YOU DARE –_ "

The sound of a zipper being pulled echoed throughout the large dark void.

" _WAIT! I-I am actually MALE – will you be satisfied knowing you beat your meat to what was actually a male dragon?!"_

"I've fallen for hentai traps before. This is a _huge_ step up from that direction."

" _I-I can offer you the secrets of the underworld! Knowledge of past individuals and locations of secret lost tomes of power –_ "

Issei's hand had snuck down his boxers. "None of which interest me."

" _I-I can tell you more about the Fallen Angels! That girl – and, and, I can tell you the mystery spots on the anatomy of female devils, like that red haired girl in your school!"_

Issei whipped his dick out. "It'd be more fun working on it and figuring it out myself."

" _I – I –I can show you a world filled with cat girls and bunny girls for you to enjoy as you please!"_

The pervert stopped. "Go on."

" _There is an entire race of creatures called Yokai, and there are cat-girls and bunny girls and fox-girls there, and I would be more than happy to show you were it is. I would be happy to do_ anything _as long as it stops you from jerking off your member to my body!"_

Issei's lips extended into an evil grin. "Anything you say?"

Ddraig immediately regretted the words that had come out of her(his?) mouth.

"There is only one thing I need you to do for me."

The draconian creature groaned, this was the most insane host it had ever possessed.

"Remain as you are. That body is far too sexy to just let it go."

Her(his?) jaw dropped. " _W-what? You expect me to live the rest of my existence as a female –"_

"Hell yeah. Why the hell would I want to listen to the voice of a grumpy old dragon when I can listen to that of a sexy hot lizard-girl?"

" _I AM A MAN!"_

"Actually you were a dragon."

" _I WAS MALE! I HAD BALLS AND A DICK!"_

Issei rubbed his chin. "Did you ever use them for anything?"

The question caught Ddraig off guard as she(he?) recoiled back in shock.

" _Well, no – I have been trapped in the Boosted Gear for a vast amount of time –"_

Issei shook his head in pity. "You've always been a female Ddraig. The universe just decided it was time for you to look the part."

The Draconian creature simply collapsed, unto the ground, utterly floored by the statement.

"So…" Issei snapped his fingers "This might be the start of a great partnership. Which could blossom into something more later on."

" _IammaleIammaleIammaleIammale–"_ Ddraig mumbled over as he(she?) curled into a fetal position.

"Be sure to send me more information about the Boosted Gear and all that." Issei said, turning around.

"T'was nice meeting you… _Dee Dee._ "

Ddraig screamed.

* * *

 **Meanwhile…**

"WHY IS THE SUMO WRESTLER GIVING THE GOAT A BLOWJOB?!"


	4. Devils and Dicks!

**I do not own High School DxD and this is just for fun. Things get a little _Schwifty_ this chapter, because I did advertise this as a smutfic didn't I? Oh, and something vaguely resembling plot appears.**

* * *

Rias slowly massaged her brows. Slowly being the keyword because she needed for her life to make sense once more, she needed order and things which were comprehensible and understandable.

While Akeno proceeded to attempt to help Koneko down, Rias attempted to carry the unconscious Hyoudou Issei back to the clubroom, making sure to follow a route that would not be seen by the other students.

However, _attempted_ was the keyword that had to be used in this instance.

She simply _touched_ the boy and she felt as though gravity multiplied a hundred fold and found herself suddenly _straddling_ him. It made no sense, she could not explain it, and it was as though the laws of physics and the rules of reality bent and warped just by being around his presence.

She got dripping wet with the realization that this could be Hyoudou Issei's Sacred Gear, a power that could warp reality.

Two seconds later, she contemplated how in the world she _literally_ gotten herself soaking wet from just that thought alone, and realized that as excited as she was about the possibility of having such a powerful individual added to her peerage, it should not have been enough to get her so aroused.

She shuddered at the feeling of her drenched underwear, and groaned as her hardened nipples demanded to be freed from her bra.

"W-wait, why am I stripping?"

It was only when she found herself halfway through unbuttoning her Academy shirt did she even realize what she was doing. She was not an exhibitionist, yet, she had found herself almost stripping down to her underwear without even realizing she was doing it.

Her eyes once more glanced over Hyoudou's body, but this time, with a great deal of fear. What sort of monstrous power did this young man have?

She looked over Hyoudou's body once more, and this time, tried to _gently_ grab him.

She found herself in the sixty-nine position.

She let out a soft gasp as his nose and lips buried into her sensitive parts through her soaked panties, and scurried away from his body as though she had been burned.

She stood, blushing heavily and glad that Akeno was not present to see her, and instantly, there was no doubt in her mind that this was indeed Hyoudou Issei's Sacred Gear.

To the average man, it would seem like an utterly useless ability combat-wise, but nonetheless, the ability to alter the physical world around you to your hearts desires was not a thing to be underestimated.

She almost let Sona have _this?_

She shuddered at her own folly.

This, this would help her immensely against Riser, who, as far as she knew, had an all-female peerage. None of them would stand a chance against Issei's abilities. Of course, there was the fact that Issei actually _had_ to agree to be her servant first, and there was always the possibility of him refusing.

She couldn't let that happen.

Slowly, she bit her lower lip.

She summoned her pawn Evil Pieces as she looked over the sleeping unconscious body of Hyoudou Issei. She knew that what she intended to do was wrong, it would be utterly breaching and an utterly unforgivable act that the Hyoudou may never forgive her for, but there was no way she was going to let such an opportunity pass her by.

As a matter of fact, what she would be doing would be a _huge_ benefit to her entire race, because if someone like Hyoudou were to join the Fallen Angels or the Vatican, it would be an utter nightmare for them. Yet, a part of her knew that no matter how justified she made it sound in her mind, it was utterly wrong.

She let out a sigh. Hyoudou was said to be a large pervert, so at the very least, she hoped she would be able to console him by offering up her body, and if need be, that of Akeno to let him do whatever he desired with it. Hopefully her Queen would understand.

Steeling her heart to be the devil she needed to be, she tentatively moved over the unconscious boy's body, and then let the Eight Evil Pieces slowly sink in, as it began the process that would irreversibly turn him into a devil.

The process began slowly, and Rias watched as she felt a huge spike of magical energy well up from within him, her eyes widening at the sheer amount that circulated all through his body, nearly reaching the levels of her _brother_ , who was a _Super_ Devil. Then again, on the scale of things, a power that shaped reality was almost equal if not superior to a power that could destroy anything.

Then, all at once, the magical energy vanished.

Rias blinked in confusion.

She examined the boy, and noted that all of the demonic energy that was a hallmark of devils circulating his body faded without a trace. There was no change in his features or alteration whatsoever.

Hyoudou Issei was still a human.

This made no sense to Rias, because her Pawn Pieces were utilized and as anyone knew, she had used them on someone, except now, Hyoudou Issei was still a human.

"This can't be happening."

Her confusion, trepidation and annoyance peaked as she grabbed him forgetting about his ability for a brief second.

The world spun, and Rias found herself in the sixty-nine position again.

Only this time, his belt had come loose and so had his trousers, so she found her lips kissing a medium length floppy cock with a scent that was downright _godly_ – her nose was assaulted with the smell that made her vision go misty as she leaned back, only for her to press her nether regions into his mouth, and felt as his teeth pressed against her soft –

 _Oh! Oh! T-this is –_ She tried to scurry off him, _tried_ being the keyword as instead, she found herself straddling him _again_ , except this time there was nothing separating his cock from her snatch but a thin layer of thin. wet fabric.

 _I – I – I c-c-c-can't –_

She could not breathe, much less think as her hazy vision overwhelmed her, and her hips moved on sheer instinct.

 _W-w-w-w-what am I d-doing?_

Unconscious or not, Hyoudou Issei's member knew stimulation when it saw it, hardening to its full length as Rias' hips gyrated, her eyes becoming misty once she felt it 'poke' and as ' _just the tip_ ' entered her warmth through her soaked underwear.

 _I – OHHHHHH! AH! AH! Ahaaaahaaaah!_

Her back arced, her toes curled, her fingers clenched as the sheer intensity of her release replaced her vision with stars. Her underwear was irredeemably drenched, as though it had been tossed into a large body of water, and she felt her juices dribble down the sides of her legs as her body suffered a series of uncontrollable spasms for three straight minutes.

Then, she collapsed to the side, dropping to the floor as she panted, sweet sheening all over her body as her chest heaved up and down in a heavy manner. She immediately realized that she could not feel anything from her waist down, and every attempt to get her legs to obey her failed.

 _THUMP!_

She had felt a whiff of demonic energy.

She stared at the boy, wondering if it were just her imagination, until she sensed it again, though it was small, concentrated and –

"N-no way."

Slowly, Rias crawled over to the erect member, her cheeks still burning, and a part of her realized that what she had done was sexual molestation bordering on rape, but she pushed it aside as curiosity spurned forth from her.

She grabbed the member in her hand, almost shuddering at its warmth.

 _THUMP THUMP!_

"Y-you can't be _serious!_ "

Slowly, she gave the member three gentle strokes.

 _THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!_

Then, closing her eyes, she stretched out her tongue and touched the base.

 _THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!_

Rias stared in disbelief as the overwhelming flood of demonic energy returned and slapped her with the most ridiculous thing she had ever conceived.

Hyoudou Issei was not a devil.

His penis was.

* * *

It was not every day Hyoudou Issei found himself knocked unconscious by a pair of mammary glands, and likewise, it was not every day he found himself knocked unconscious by a pair of mammary glands and woke up in a large, nicely decorated room. Despite this fact, he felt good. Actually, he felt much better than just good. He was in an extraordinary chipper mood, though he had no idea why this was so, he chalked it up to just being one of those things in life.

The only problem however, was that he was _horny_. He was always horny, but now, it was with a strong, overwhelming burning sensation to find a release. It was as though his balls had gotten bigger and was overloaded, just practically screaming the desire for some release.

Ah well, the school day would soon be over.

He was on a soft couch, his eyes blinking in confusion as he stared, his memory recalling the location as the Old School Building, though it had been rather impressively refurnished.

"Ara ara, you're awake Hyoudou-kun."

Issei turned to find a young woman, with long black hair and nice large – oh mamma those melons – breasts, glancing at him with eyes squeezed in mirth and amusement. She was none other than the school's very own Yamato Nadeshiko facsimile, Akeno Himejima.

And so, Issei stared.

"Ara ara, is something the matter Hyoudou-kun?"

"Has anyone told you that you are absolutely goddamned, drop-dead sexy?"

Akeno, for her part, managed to blush. "Not in the way you just put it Hyoudou-kun."

Issei shook his head. "No really, if you did porn, I'd actually pay money to watch it, without incognito mode, on a public system, in school."

Akeno's brow rose. "Thank… you?"

Issei looked at her, _really_ looked at her. Long creamy legs, sensual thighs and full hips, thin waistline, large, voluptuous – oh mamma – breasts, and a face that just screamed sensuality. His boxers felt several shades too tight and he realized that he found himself faced with a serious dilemma.

"Left or right... left or right…"

It was an important choice he could never quite make with people like Akeno. Was he to go left, where nothing ever went right, or to go right, in which there would be nothing left?

"Ara, is there a problem Hyoudou-san?"

"Left or right, I can't decide."

Akeno gave him a curious glance. "You can't decide what?"

"What hand to use to jerk off to you."

Akeno blinked.

"…What?"

"I mean, if I use my left, nothing goes right, I can't time my strokes fast enough to know how long it'll take me to nut. If I use my right, there'll be nothing left, because I can keep beating with it for hours on end until I run dry."

Akeno gaped at him, utterly forgetting her manners in awe of the sheer brazenness of the boy's declaration.

"Ah! Of course! The solution is simple! I'll use both!"

Akeno did not know when she had taken a step back.

Issei turned to her. "Got any Vaseline?"

* * *

" _Whathasbeenseencannotbeunseenwhathasbeenseencannotbeunseen –_ "

Raynare would have praised the heavens if she was not a rebel towards God's Kingdom, but the overwhelming amount of happiness that filled her upon the completion of the long _three hour_ … _monstrosity_ that she had no other choice but to be tied up and endure.

Before today, Raynare had no interest in knowing what the girth of a goat was capable of, nor had she any form of desire to know the true extent of the flexibility of two midgets, and unfortunately for her, this knowledge was now permanently stuck into her mind.

It had been seared into her vision, burning into her eyeballs with all the subtlety of a laser printer, etching each and every moment into her memory.

Once she finally escaped from this place, she was going to immediately find out if there was any form of permanent memory erasing device that would help her forget what she had seen.

The clock was slowly reaching three, which meant that Hyoudou Issei would return soon. The strength to escape had long since left her, and generally she felt weak, because bondage equipment was not supposed to be designed for extremely long periods of captivity.

Then, the screen flashed back to life.

"No – please, no more - !"

She actually whimpered, as she wondered what foul atrocity she would be forced to watch next. There was the blur of static, and the shot once more came into a bedroom.

Two naked girls appeared on the screen, fondling each other's breasts and kissing in a hot, heavy manner, as their hands had then gone lower to their genitals as they toyed with it.

Slowly, Raynare relaxed, as she began to reverie her captor.

"Thank you Hyoudou Issei – oh gods thank you so much. Putting soft lesbian porn on after that monstrosity! Thank you thank you thank you!"

Gods, if she knew that she was going to have been tortured by viewing such evil, she would have just let the boy rape her and be done with it, there would have been much less psychological trauma.

It seemed to be going fine, until Raynare noticed something that looked odd in a sex scene, the two girls had suddenly stopped making out, and then they gathered around a small white object.

"Wait…what are those two girls doing with that cup?"

Raynare learned a very bitter truth on that day.

"There is no God."


	5. Pervert Devil Potential!

**Well, can't believe I got back to updating this. My scatter-brained mind finally remembered about this cracky madness that is fiction and so, the insanity continues.**

* * *

Causality Manipulation.

This was the ability to manipulate the entire universe to do your bidding, to rewrite the rules of the world and to break apart every concept ingrained into the minds of eager budding practitioners of science.

In order to bring about one tiny event in your favor, you have already created a sequential string of tinier events, all connected together in order to bring about that which would grant you utmost good. Often times, this comes across at the cost of causing great harm or otherwise, mere general misfortune unto others.

This was something that Himejima Akeno had unfortunately learned the hard way.

It was supposed to be a rather simple task, entertain Hyoudou Issei whilst Rias prepared herself to inform him about the rather unfortunate fact that he had been revived as a devil against his own free will.

Albeit… not _exactly,_ as it was only a rather certain, _specific_ part of his anatomy that was now a devil.

There was still no explaining how in the world that had happened.

Regardless, Akeno had been prepared to hold the fort and amuse the boy until Rias arrived to explain the specifics, however, what she had not been prepared for was the sheer lengths of depravity that existed within the heart and mind of the individual known as Hyoudou Issei.

He had started by asking her what hand he wanted to use to masturbate to her.

At first, Akeno had believed it to be a completely crude joke the boy had merely conjured up. However, it was until she caught him unbuckling his belt and about to drop his boxers that she realized one rather unfortunate fact.

Hyoudou Issei does not joke.

Clearly, she wasn't about to simply sit down there and let the boy begin stroking off to her for _obvious_ reasons.

As such, she attempted to stop him.

And utmost disaster ensued.

* * *

"Ara ara… as much as I am… _disturbingly_ flattered by your insistence on my beauty, Hyoudou-kun, I would like to ask you to refrain from..."

Her eye twitched and her smile crinkled slightly as he completely ignored her and began scavenging the room for Vaseline, with one hand already down his boxers.

"No seriously, you guys don't have any Vaseline stored up in this place? So goddamned weird."

Her smile wrinkled once more, as the normally unflappable Akeno watched as the young brown haired man then turned to stare at her.

"How 'bout baby oil? Got any baby oil?"

Akeno wondered how her lips at not yet torn from how hard she was forcing them into a smile.

"No, Hyoudou-kun – we do not have any… baby oil."

"Tsk. How 'bout olive oil then?"

"No –"

"Palm oil?"

"No we do not –" Akeno paused, "I'm sorry I think I misheard – Palm oil? Y-You want to u-use palm oil for –"

The enigmatic pervert gave a shrug. "Wouldn't be the first time. Though it's a bit annoying washing it off afterwards."

Akeno found her lips opening, wanting to make a comment, except she had no idea how to form a logical sentence considering palm oil and masturbation, and still be able to look at herself the same way in the mirror.

"Ah! Of course! Washing it off! That's the answer – soap! Why didn't I think of that sooner? Everybody has soap!"

Akeno's eyes widened marginally as she watched the boy make a beeline for the shower which was placed in the clubroom. Due to the fact that Rias practically lived in Kuoh's Occult Research Club, there was absolutely no doubt that Issei would be unable to find her King's semi-used bar of soap.

The mere concept of Issei using Rias' soap to lather his... nether regions for lubrication and consequent sexual stimulation was one that she was not going to condone.

As such, the events had rolled forward almost in high-definition slow motion.

Issei, with his pants around his legs had made his way for the showers, pulling aside the curtain and finding the blue, half-utilized bar of deluxe soap. Akeno, eyes widening in frenzy, had immediately decided that it would be best for the soap to be destroyed than to let it be used for such purposes, had found her left hand outstretched, her fingers crackling with ominous yellow lightning.

Issei's hand had outstretched for the bar of soap, in the same instance that the small bolt of lightning had been sent careening out of her fingers.

Then, physics promptly decided to throw up as the laws of reality suffered from a hangover.

Issei's index and middle fingers had grabbed unto the soap, the same second the bolt of lightning had crashed into it. Rather than melting the soap, or electrocuting the boy, or doing some mix of both, the lightning _bounced_ off the soap and headed back in an arc towards its caster.

Lightning, _bounced off soap_.

Soap, _redirected lightning_.

Akeno barely had time to gawk in disbelief at the ludicrousness of her own magic being bested by a mocking bar of blue soap, as her own magic whizzed right past her in a manic blur.

Like she was enraptured in a bizarre spell, the lightning attack danced extremely closely around her body, bouncing into a cup, redirecting skywards into the chandelier, and circling around her due to a conveniently placed mirror, before eventually crashing into the ground at her feet.

There was a brief second of silence, as Akeno realized two rather disbelieving details.

One, her lightning, which could evaporate lower class devils on impact, had failed to do any damage to a bar of soap, and it had then played pinball with a bunch of ordinary, everyday items which it should have destroyed on impact.

And two, the ricocheting pinball of lightning had _somehow_ danced around her in a manner that tore away at strategically important locations in her Kuoh Academy school uniform and basic clothes, such as her belt buckles, the strands of threads on her buttons, her bra straps, the corners of her underwear and even her _shoelaces_.

The result was her entire uniform and dropping to the ground unceremoniously like as though it were a loosely wrapped towel. Her generous mounds bounced openly as it was freed from its constraints, and she whimpered slightly at the rush of cold wind on her bare nipples. She stood, disbelieving, as she also felt the wind blow around her bare below, her smoothly shaved areas and naked body was exposed to the clubroom and the only other person present there.

"I-I-Impossible…"

"You're telling me. This isn't accurate at all – the right boob should be bigger."

Her eyes flicked over to Hyoudou Issei, wondering what madness he was babbling about, until she saw what was in his left hand – Rias' bar of soap, which could not be considered a bar anymore, and was now an _exact_ miniature sculpt of her, standing, naked with the same incredulous expression on its face.

Then, the boy responsible for a feat that could only be considered as a divine miracle, shrugged it off, and rubbed the back of his head as he held the freakishly accurate soap sculpt next to a chillingly massive bulge that was impossible to hide behind his boxer shorts.

"So…" he began, finally swinging his massive tool out of his boxers, the bulging – _glowing_ dick instantly heating up the room.

Then, he placed Soap-Akeno on it as lewdly as possible. "…do you think I should lather with hot, or cold water?"

There was the sound of a limp body immediately hitting the floor.

"Cold water it is."

* * *

Rias was having a terrible, terrible day.

For what felt like the umpteenth time, she massaged the side of her head with her index and middle fingers, partially in an attempt to calm herself, and also partially in an attempt to make sense of what she was seeing.

She had finally wiped the memories of the student body, well, the memories of those who had seen Koneko in such an embarrassing situation, and she had a feeling that she was going to be doing a lot of memory modification in the next few weeks.

Truth be told, the reason she had done the memory modification in the first place was because she needed to clear her head from the heavy migraine arriving from the oddest, most inexplicable thing that had ever happened.

She had utilized her pawn pieces in an attempt to revive Hyoudou Issei as a devil, and, it had ended in a way that she was certain no one in history would believe, and she could not even begin to think of how she was going to explain this to Ajuka Beezelbulb, the creator of the evil pieces.

Issei was _technically_ a half-devil.

There were individuals like that, who possessed only one part of their body as demonic, in that there were humans with demonic arms or humans with demonic legs, but these were extremely rare, obscure cases.

Never before had there been an individual with a demonic _penis_.

That was just –

It sounded like a crude joke made by the universe.

Yet, she had such an individual in her peerage.

She was fully ready to explain to this individual the intricacies of the devil world, and she was going to question him to see if he understood the essence of the power he possessed which would have caused such an anomaly.

However, what she was not expecting, was opening the door to the clubroom, to the unbelievable sight of her Queen, Akeno, naked and unconscious on the floor – wait, was that blood dribbling down her nose?

And of course, across from her, with his demonic… _tool_ out in the open and standing at a great… full…

Sweet-bloody-hell Issei was _gigantic_.

Rias was sure it wasn't _that_ large when she had been stroking it before –

The very thought which snapped her back to reality with a dusting of red on her cheeks, and the subsequent realization of the scene before her.

Akeno – naked, unconscious, and Issei, standing, weapon fully drawn.

"No spectators. Either you start pleasuring yourself or close the door."

Rias blinked at the boy's words, and then she blinked so once she noticed the mini Soap-Akeno in the boy's hand – wait, was that _her_ bar of soap?

She rubbed the side of her head once more as the migraine came back in full force.

"Hyoudou-san… do you mind putting on your pants? We have… some important issues to discuss."

* * *

"So let me get this straight."

Hyoudou Issei had been in all sorts of different odd scenarios before, he had seen some messed up stuff, and arguably, he had also done some _incredibly_ messed up stuff. Though, this was the first time that anything he had seen or done would lead to him supposedly losing his humanity. It was probably also made more annoying by the fact that this wasn't anything _he_ had done, but rather, on the whim of someone else entirely.

"You saw me unconscious, figured I have some power you needed, and then decided to bind my soul to you, forfeiting my humanity to become your forever willing servant, and if I leave or refuse, I'll be hunted down and killed for going 'stray'."

He watched as Rias Gremory, _the_ Rias Gremory, with the blood-red hair, sensual lips, blessed round breasts and utter boner inducing thighs and legs, cross those very legs as she gave him a slight grimace.

"I suppose when you put it that way, it does sounds rather terrible."

"OF COURSE IT DOES!"

He yelled and watched as she shrank back, wincing even more at the harsh tone.

He shook his head. "I can't believe that someone so sexy could be complete garbage."

Rias winced even more, her gaze flicking over to the unconscious, but now fully clothed Akeno laying on the couch and wishing that her Queen was awake to aid her at the moment.

Issei shook his head. "This – this was not how it was supposed to be. You've ruined everything."

"H-Hyoudou, I know what I did was unforgivable and I am truly, truly sorry, and I know that my apology does not mean much, but – but there is so much you can do as a devil, you can be better, have a harem, indulge in any debauchery you want –"

"You don't get it do you?"

Rias cringed at his harsh tone. "Your humanity meant _that_ much to you?"

"Well yes, but that's not the big picture here." he pointed his finger at her "This is wrong! In hentai, the hero isn't the one who gets enslaved, it's the other way around!"

"…What?"

"You're supposed to have played the role of the devil who tries to kill me, fails, then you try to enslave me. Then it backfires, and turns you into my lusty horny little sister whose boobs I can fondle while a succubus with a video camera records as you orgasm nine times straight."

Rias stared, wondering if her ears where deceiving her.

"But now you've ruined it. You've ruined everything. There's no magical spell on your neck that drives you horny when you think bad thoughts about me. There's no sexy loli succubus that can transform into a non-loli who occasionally tries to rape you with a banana."

He clenched his fists.

"You've ruined my destiny as the hero who has numerous devil girls enslaved to him, and a sexy hot red-headed girl who calls me Onii-chan. You witch! You pale imitation of a true red-headed female love interest! Why would you do this?!"

Rias' mouth opened, and closed, and then it opened once more, but no words were easily forthcoming, and she found herself in a state of utter bewilderment.

"I-I'm sorry?"

"No no no!" he said, shaking his head "You're supposed to be saying, 'I'm sorry onii-chan', over and over as I rubbed your breasts and pushed you to climax, but now – now that can never happen!"

Issei let out a sigh as he shook his head.

"Ah well. I'm your servant instead of your heroic brother figure. Might as well get used to washing your underwear, licking your armpits and you sitting on my stomach with a pair of stockings as your wipe your feet on my dick."

"I-I'd never do t-that!" Rias said, interjecting hotly, her face turning an interesting shade of red.

"You wouldn't?"

"N-no! The Gremory Clan of devils where I come from are the kindest, friendliest of all clans! We treat our peerage members like family and we'd never abuse you like slaves!"

Issei scowled. "Then what's the bloody point?"

Rias gawped. "W-what?"

"I can't be your heroic older brother figure who gets to do with you as I please, and I can't be your maltreated slave who gets to eat your underwear and cum on your toes. So what the hell am I?"

Rias stared, unable for one instance to contemplate just what the man in front of her wished. She wanted to inform him that he could eventually earn his own harem as a high-class devil, but she felt that might just annoy him even further.

"You –" she tested the words in her mouth " – You can be anything you want to be Hyoudou-kun. With demonic magic, a-anything is possible."

" _Anything_?"

Rias did not know why she felt as though she had unleashed Satan himself into the world.

"So… including the giant, many-tentacled monsters in my favorite ahegao vore double-penetration cervix penetration mindbreak impregnation hentai?"

All the blood immediately drained from Rias' face.

"W-well, _in theory_ –"

He rubbed his palms together, his eyes flashing a brilliant light. "Awesome!"

The _massive_ build-up of demonic energy sent alarm bells blaring inside Rias' head, and _more_ began blaring when she noticed the left arm of the boy begin to morph into _something_ –

And that _something_ was now snaking up her legs –

"H-Hyoudou w-w-what are – "

Her voice stopped cold as she turned to stare at Hyoudou Issei, only to find –

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

The inability to describe the horrific amalgamation of squiggly creatures she saw overwhelmed her ability for any rational or possible thought and sense of self-preservation.

And in that moment –

Rias Gremory fainted.

It was at this moment that the sole male member of the Occult Research Club had walked into the room. Yuto Kiba took one look at the unconscious Queen and King, and one look at the tentacle eldritch creature, and made one brave decision.

He turned around, and silently closed the door.


	6. Drugs and Nuns!

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yep. It's 2018 folks. The year we finally get porn stars that were born in the year 2000. Well... hello darkness my old friend.**

 **Also, this story now has now been (and is now being) translated into Russian! Courtesy of the awesome MadFrog2000! You can find the Russian translation at the site: ficbook/net [nospace] /readfic [nospace] /6233603.**

 **Sometimes I look upon the works I have written and question my sanity for writing this, and then people go and do awesome stuff like translate my story into their language because they love it, and just like that, all is right with the world.**

* * *

Shapeshifting was cool.

Having tentacles was cooler.

Having shapeshifting tentacles? That was just the coolest of all.

Issei hummed silently to himself as he proceeded down the path home. The sun was slowly setting, sending a nice orange hue across the horizon and reminding him that he'd spent more time in school than normal.

He shrugged. It wasn't like the Fallen Angel he had at home was going to do anything about it.

He was currently in a full, normal human form, but his middle finger was extended into the shape of a dark red tentacle, one in which he mused as he tried to discover the various ways he could change the shape and type of the tentacle.

"Hmm… vibrating tentacle? Check. Needle tentacle? Check. Suction cup tentacle? Check. Tentacle dick? Check. Oooh – Aphrodisiac secretions! Jackpot!"

He could use this on Rias and Akeno. Those girls were rude – passing out and leaving him hanging high and dry with blue balls. Because of his Rule No. 1 about forcing himself on people he'd had no choice but to masturbate to their unconscious bodies with Rias' soap.

He'd jacked off about eight times and finished the entire soap, but strangely, his dick would always emerge erect right after.

Maybe it was a devil thing.

Oh yeah, he was a devil now.

Wait… he was a devil now.

Issei came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the road as the realization sunk in.

He – he was no longer human! Which meant – he was no longer restricted to pesky human laws and moral conundrums!

"All along… I thought my destiny was to be the main protagonist of a harem comedy," he said to empty air, his hand balled up into a fist.

"But now – now I can be better! I can be… the _main_ _antagonist of a hentai_!"

Tears of joy fell from his eyes as he spread his arms out into open air.

From nowhere and from everywhere, the clouds gathered and parted to allow a ray of light shine upon the form of Hyoudou Issei, as his arms spread out open into the heavens.

Coincidentally, a convent of nuns whizzed by in a bus, their voices singing the angelic tunes of "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!"

This, this was _perfect!_

Issei cackled madly as he smacked his palms together and began rubbing them.

The clouds which had gathered darkened immediately, thunder rumbling heavily as lightning flashed overhead.

A bus following the convent of nuns whizzed by, filled with altar boys all ferociously and ominously chanting in Latin.

"The evil prince who captures enemy princesses and makes them submit!"

Lightning flashed and thunder boomed.

"The dark demon king who sends the sexy noble female knights to be mercilessly enjoyed by his horde of goblins!"

The ominous Latin chants grew in volume.

"The evil magister who summons giant monsters to fill up the stomachs of enemy witches –"

Lightning streaked across the sky, thunder boomed, and the chants hit their finale.

"I can be… ALL OF IT!"

The heaviest rumble of thunder broke out across the night sky, as the crescendo of Latin chants peaked, and they ended abruptly as lightning from the sky struck the bus and caused a brilliant fiery explosion.

Issei blinked as he sniffed into the air.

"…Right after I get some dinner. Someone out there is frying some great bacon."

* * *

What Hyoudou Issei did not know, was that in a sense, Rias Gremory had succeeded in elevating the Devil Faction. She had done so by fundamentally _amplifying_ his already ridiculous powers of causality manipulation. Whereas before, Issei's powers could be considered as a steady hum from an accordion, the addition of eight evil pawn pieces and the introduction of _devil_ physiology and _magic_ , had turned that power into the equivalent of hooking up seventy thousand and seventy seven giant speakers all connected to a microphone in front of said accordion.

Needless to say, it was a hum that could be heard across the world.

Had Issei been given _holy_ power, that is, energy from an angelic or divine being, his ability of Causality Manipulation would have shifted in that light, and thus, it would bring goodness and fortune across everyone and everything around him.

Unfortunately, the boost in power was of a _demonic_ nature… and hence –

"This is a robbery! I have a gun, and I want all the ladies in this building, to shut up and put their panties in the bag!"

"Hey! Come back here! Those women just stole all my yaoi magazines!"

"Alright ladies, I'm not selling you any more bananas if you're going to keep deepthroating them!"

"This is the _fifth_ can of Soda I've bought today! Why does it keep spraying on me and leaving me soaking wet?!"

"H-h-help! A-ah- my d-dog is – a-a-assaulting me! No! B-bad boy – don't l-lick me there!"

Issei rose an eyebrow at all the oddities going around him before shaking his head and shrugging.

"I swear, this town just keeps getting stranger."

Whistling idly to himself, he made his way towards a stand to get some quick fast food.

It wasn't that he didn't _know_ about the cause of the strangeness, (which he actually didn't), but it was more like he didn't _care_.

He had a destiny as an evil hentai antagonist to fulfill.

…Though, not _quite_ immediately of course. There's no fun in completing his destiny just yet.

As he ordered some take-home ramen, he mused as to all the other possible things he could do now that he was no longer shackled down by the bonds of human decency.

Not that he had much of _that_ to begin with – but he liked to think that it was the thought that counts.

Then, all at once – it hit him.

As he collected his meal from the elderly looking man who ran the shop, he went straight to the question on his mind.

"Do you know where I can get some weed?"

* * *

Himejima Akeno let out a groan as her consciousness slowly began to return to her. Spots and lights danced in her vision, and she idly realized that the clubroom was extremely dark, meaning that a large amount of time seemed to have passed.

A cold breeze tickled her nipples and she shuddered, her mind immediately trying to recall what had happened. She remembered being told to watch over Issei and then –

She grimaced at the influx of memories, and the sheer _ludicrousness_ of what had transpired that made her faint. The unexpected sight, smell and _power_ that had been exuding from Hyoudou's tool had caught her off guard, _especially_ considering how he had placed that soap on his –

She shook her head, ignoring the warmth that came to her cheeks from the memories. Instead, she frowned upon realizing that Rias hadn't woken her up – what had happened? Why hadn't her King roused her from the state of unconsciousness?

She rose from her spot on the ground, thankful to possess devil sight which allowed her to see relatively clearly in the darkness, only to blink in confusion when she realized that Rias was in a corner of the clubroom, curled up in the fetal position and muttering words under her breath.

"Buchou?"

" _Squigglyhorrorsmonstersgonetentaclesmindbreakcreatureabominationrubbingdemonic_ –"

Akeno blinked, confusion spreading across her form as she noticed the blank eyes of her King as she continued to mutter incoherently.

Akeno moved forward and placed her hand on the girl's leg –

"DON'T TENTACLE ME!" Rias yelled, scrambling away from the touch, before some color seemed to appear back into her eyes once more.

"O-oh…. Akeno – it's you." The red haired girl cleared her throat, rising to her feet in some faux attempt to look dignified once more. "I – I didn't see you there."

Akeno rose an eyebrow. "Ara ara, did something happen between you and Hyoudou-san?"

"No!" she responded, a little too quickly, before clearing her throat again. "I mean… no, not quite. Well, I told him about me turning him into a devil… and he took it… _somewhat_ well… before…" Rias trailed off as she shuddered, her eyes going blank once more.

"Akeno, I – I think I might have unleashed an unspeakable evil into the world."

The Queen of the peerage chuckled. "Buchou, I will admit that Hyoudou's perverted nature is rather extraordinary, but I wouldn't exactly go as far as to call him evi –"

"He. Is. Evil." Rias interrupted, her hands clasping harshly against both of Akeno's shoulders as there was a manic look in her eyes. "You haven't seen it Akeno – his true form – you haven't felt it slither all over you, tempting you, snaking up your legs and coiling around your chest –"

"…"

"It tempts you Akeno. The feeling, sensations, part of you wants to give in to it, to allow it engulf you, to send you to unspeakable places – but you know that if you do – if you give in – it wins… it wins Akeno! And if it wins – it's over – you will be lost, enslaved to its grasping slender creepers for eternity –"

It was rare that Akeno found herself at a loss for words.

"To purify this evil, we would need a priest – no, an exorcist – no wait, an angel, - nonono! We would need _God_ Akeno!"

The mention of the name that caused a sharp stinging pain to all devils was where the line was to be drawn.

"Sorry about this Buchou."

 _SMACK!_

 _SMACK!_

 _SMACK!_

Rias blinked, her cheeks stinging.

"Thanks Akeno, I needed tha –"

 _SMACK!_

 _SMACK!_

"You can stop hitting me now. And – you're getting aroused from slapping me aren't you?"

Akeno shuddered, a hot breath emerging from her lips as her cheeks grew warm. "Sorry Buchou…" she said, with not a hint of remorse in her tone.

Rias shook her head, the pain from the five slaps sending some clarity to her mind.

So, Hyoudou Issei was a wildcard. His demonic power was potentially _Super_ -Devil class, and using nothing but his imagination, he had attained a level and proficiency in the shape-shifting branch of magic that often took devils _decades_ to master.

He was a pervert – no, he was _the_ pervert, as Rias was sure that if she were to open a dictionary and search for the word, a picture of Hyoudou Issei would be there.

However, he was a devil… well, half-devil, which meant that he was on their side.

Right?

"So, what's the plan Buchou?"

She took in a deep, heavy breath. She did not particularly have control over Issei, however, she could count on his perverseness. His sheer depravity was the only tangible and solid aspect of his personality that she could grasp, and hence, it was the one aspect that she could use, firing it as a weapon.

Also, despite the fact that he was slightly more… _unhinged_ , than most of her peerage members, Hyoudou Issei was still a part of her peerage, and as a Gremory, that meant that he was a part of her family.

And Rias Gremory did not turn her back on family.

Not even if they could turn into monstrous tentacle monsters that could ravish her until her mind and body were broken and she was enslaved to the tentacles that would thrust endlessly in and out of her for all eternity and leave her a blithering mess, undignified and forgotten, lost to mind-numbing ecstasy and orgasm after orgasm after –

 _SMACK!_

…

"You're enjoying this a little too much Akeno. Just a little."

* * *

Saying that 'fortune smiled on him' would be considered erroneous as fortune did not so much as smile on him, than it pinned him down and rode him for hours, screeching out in ecstasy.

The sun had fully set over the horizon, and Hyoudou Issei found himself finally heading home, with a backpack filled with as much alcohol, cannabis, marijuana, cocaine, LSD, and crystal meth he could carry.

After all, _Don't do drugs_ was a human saying – and hey, guess what he isn't anymore?

"Now the real question is… should I do it all at once, or take it one by one? Hmm…"

The real reason he got the drugs was because he wanted to cross off 'masturbating under the influence' from his tiny little book of challenges. It was also one of the few things he had never actually done, and he was more than certainly open to new experiences.

Issei mused as he brought out a small packet of what he assumed was cocaine… or was it weed instead? He couldn't really tell, and he didn't care either way. He shrugged and put it up to his nose, just about ready to give it a try –

"Ouchie!"

Only to realize that someone was colliding into him. His grasp on his acquired drugs slipped as he felt distinctive soft mounds press against him, making him slip and lose his footing, as the complete weight of a woman landed upon him, straddling him.

There was silence.

And he immediately got a boner which rose and poked into the woman straddling him.

"A-ah – ah choo!"

Hyoudou Issei blinked at the sight of the blonde haired girl with green eyes in what was _clearly_ a nun's outfit, but nothing quite surprised him as much as the nose of the woman which was now powdered white from somehow slamming into him.

Oh wait –

Issei stared at his empty packet, and then he stared back at the nun.

"Huh. Made a nun do drugs. Becoming a hentai antagonist is way easier than I thought."

He idly brought out his famed notebook of challenges before bringing out a pencil and crossing off _"Corruption of the innocent."_

He paused for a moment.

Then, he crossed off two more items.

 _Drug-fueled sex._

 _Nun fetish._

"All right!"

His erect dick tore through his boxers and pants with a mere flex, the _hot_ member hitting the panties of the girl straddling him and –

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, as she fell off him, unconscious.

"… damn it."


	7. Dragons and Angels!

**Shorter, but a double update, because it's a New Year baby!**

* * *

Monsters often came in different shapes and forms. Some of them appeared like humans, possessing the same features and appearances, wearing the same clothes and outfits, speaking the same language. However, it did not change the fact that they were monsters – if anything, it heightened the fact that they were monsters, for only a true monster could manage to mask its horrific nature and put on a guise of normalcy.

This was a fact that Raynare had gotten to learn.

Her eyes were red and puffy, and her mind had witnessed horrors that made her wonder if it was too late to side up with the devils and wipe out all of humanity.

"Hehehehe… hahaha… hahahahahahaha!"

Why in the world was she laughing again?

Oh yes, she had finally broken free of her bindings, choosing to dislocate her entire left arm than to allow her eyes view any more of the atrocity that was two girls and one cup.

That, and the fact that her right hand held a giant hammer of light which was constantly slamming down upon a hapless television set.

"DIE!"

 _SMASH!_

"DIE!"

 _SMASH!_

"DIE!DIE!DIE!"

 _SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!_

She eventually tossed her hair back, panting from exhaustion, but she could not help the massive smile that finally spread across her entire face.

Oh sure, her left arm was dangling out, and her energy was _absolutely_ drained, but she was free – free to exact her revenge upon her captor.

Raynare let out another series of laughs. Oh, she wouldn't just kill him, oh no, she needed to make him suffer, to make him endure the same level of pain and suffering! Yes! She would chain him down to a chair, making sure his arms were bound and he couldn't move, and then, she'd give him a strip tease and a good show, making him watch as she pleasured herself and he was unable to get off, that would –

She blinked.

"What the fuck am I thinking?"

This – this was that pervert's fault!

She needed to _torture_ him! Torture! Chains! Flogging! Whips! She'd lay him out and then bring out a long, slender whip which she'd use on his ass –

"GAH!"

No! No! No!

She needed to inflict _pain_ upon him! _Pain!_ Not some weird sort of pain that could be turned into kinky pleasure!

She'd cut off all his arms and legs, leaving him moaning out in agony, and then, when he could neither run nor fight back, she'd make him aroused and then ride him until –

 _SMACK!_

 _SMACK!_

 _SMACK!_

Raynare let out a growl as she smacked her palm into her face three times in succession. There was _definitely_ something not normal about this entire thing.

The sound of someone entering the house from downstairs immediately drew Raynare's attention.

"HYOUDOU ISSEI!"

She stormed out of the room with a burning rage, ignoring her one dislocated arm as she kicked his bedroom door of its hinges, summoned up her wings and streaked towards the house's main entrance.

Except… there was something wrong.

Because, by the time she realized that the sheer _aura_ possessed by the boy in front of her was not human… it was far too late.

* * *

 **Earlier**

Issei honestly contemplated leaving the nun out cold on the floor and making his way back home. However, he was a pervert, and it would be against his code to not attempt to aid a beautiful young woman in need, in exchange for possible sexual favors in future.

That, and also the fact that he was really curious about seeing what a baked nun acted like.

Before he could pick up the girl however, a weird burning sensation overwhelmed his arm, and it was not the pleasurable one he got when he jacked off.

He blinked, twice, before realizing he was once more standing in a familiar vast black void.

"Did I black out?" He frowned, "I'm pretty sure I haven't even gotten high yet."

He sighed, falling flat unto the nothingness of the black void, only to blink as a powerful spray of burning red flames zoomed overhead. He rose an eyebrow, before turning his gaze into the direction of the flames.

"Yo, lizard girl lady, what's up?"

The creature, rather than respond, let out a large, _powerful_ draconic roar that sent tremendous gusts of winds blowing Issei's hair backwards.

The pervert merely blinked, undaunted.

"Is this that time of month for you?"

" **MY NAME IS DDRAIG! AND I! AM! A! MAN!** "

Issei's gaze once more redirected to the damn-boi melons which swung from his – her? – chest.

"We've been over this… and I'm still not buying it."

Ddraig then let out another angry breath. " **I have come to a realization – it seems that this change is as a result of me being merged with your soul… should I get a different host, I will return to my original form.** "

Issei stared, plainly, ears ignoring the words and eyes instead focused on the breasts.

" **But there is a chance… a small chance that this change could become permanent, were you to live a long and fruitful life, which is now almost guaranteed with your partial transformation into a devil.** "

"Is this an offer for you to give me a lap dance? Or are we going to have sex now?"

" **NO YOU FOOL!** " Ddraig said, angrily rubbing his – her? – face. " **This is me saying that I'm going to kill you in order to get my balls back!** "

"But if you never even used them –"

" **THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT!** "

Issei made a show out of cleaning his eardrums, even as Ddraig immediately entered a pose.

" **Killing you will also kill me, but whereas I will merely be transferred into another host, the same cannot be said for you.** "

Issei quirked an eyebrow. "But, you can't actually kill me."

Ddraig paused. " **And what makes you think that?** "

He pointed to himself. "Isn't it obvious? I'm the main antagonist of this hentai. I'm invincible until I've fucked someone senseless."

Ddraig stared. " **What.** "

"Everyone knows that the hentai antagonist reigns supreme until he's had his complete fill of all the girls. You only have a fighting chance afterwards, and even then, it's kinda slim."

Ddraig slowly rubbed his – her? – nose in irritation. " **Boy, you're not in a bloody hentai.** "

"Yeah, you know, _everyone_ keeps telling me that, and normally I'd be inclined to believe it –" Issei said, before rolling his eyes "But come fucking on!"

He rose three fingers and began to count.

"A skimpy fallen angel pretended to be my girlfriend and attacked me with dildos. **"**

One finger down.

"A gender-confused dragon girl lives in my soul."

Another finger down.

"A hot red-head turns me into her tentacle monster devil slave."

The final finger went down and he shrugged. "Just one of those feats automatically qualifies as my entry into the hentaiverse. But three? Don't bullshit me."

The dragon growled. " **Well then, I guess the only thing left for me to do… is to kill you and prove you otherwise.** "

Issei shrugged, gesturing his arms wide open.

"Give it your best shot."

And with that, Ddraig charged up as much of his – her? – power as he – she? – could muster. Oh, he –she? – wasn't going to risk half-assing it, as with the boy's utterly insane ability to give reality hiccups, there could be no half-measures taken. The charging process took long, as the build-up of power grew larger, and larger, until it reached High-Class Devil levels… and then it reached Ultimate-Class devil levels… and it peaked and entered into the lower tiers of the _Super_ -Devil class –

And Ddraig ultimately shriveled and shrunk like a thoroughly squeezed lemon, until, without hesitating, the power was unleashed.

An all-consuming blast of pure _energy_ , encapsulated by a roaring wall of fire that would have immediately flash-boiled and dried the entirety of the Red Sea was sent towards the boy, who, like the fool he was, was standing with his arms held completely wide open.

Then, to Ddraig's utter and complete state of disbelief, the tremendous power which he – she? – had sent with all hope and belief and guarantee that it would annihilate the pesky mortal –

It transformed itself into the shape of a giant penis.

And this penis promptly slammed down into the body of the boy, _enriching_ him with the flames and power. For a few seconds, Hyoudou Issei's body glowed red, and his eyes flashed with fire, before, as though it were a trick of the light, it all vanished.

" **I – I – Impossible…** "

The boy didn't even seem surprised, if anything, he didn't even seem to realize what exactly he had just done! Instead, he merely flexed, and then shrugged.

"Hentai. Antagonist."

That – that couldn't be –

This – this was REALITY!

"So, you know what that means? Spread those ass cheeks Dee-Dee, cause I'm feeling horny."

No! NO! NO!

NO! NO!

This – this could not be happening! This could not! He wouldn't –

Issei's pants dropped to the floor.

HE WOULD!

Ddraig decided, that before _HE_ would be shamed any further, before _HE_ would truly lose _HIS_ value as a man, _HE_ had only one choice left.

A blade of fire emerged with the last of the dragon's energy as he dropped to his knees.

" **GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!** "

And like that –

The Red Dragon Emperor, the Welsh Dragon, Y Ddraig Goch –

Committed seppuku.

* * *

 **Present Time**

Raynare had never regretted an action more in her life. Alas, here she was, thrusting forward, with only one working arm, a one-winged fallen angel, against the boy who stood at the door, a nun draped across one shoulder, and –

 _RUN!RUN!RUN!RUN!FUCK-THIS-SHIT-I'M-OUT-ABANDON EVERYTHING-AND-RUN!_

The aura of one of the strongest magical beings in existence, _wafting_ off him like smoke from a fire.

 _I'm so fucked._


	8. Woohoo and Noodles!

**Slight warning in this chapter, because of what is technically a lemon, but kinda feels like a lime. Then again, this isn't _exactly_ a lemon story, nor was it really designed to be one, despite the... questionable content. This chapter is also for the lovely readers who finally wanted to see some action - here you go.**

* * *

"HYOUDOU ISSEI!"

As it was, Hyoudou Issei was a generally laid back person. He was easy-going, because he did not view life as something which one needed to stress themselves over, nor did he see a general reason to ever be anything but complaisant as to how his day progressed.

However, for the first time in his recorded sixteen years of living, he was getting… _annoyed_. This, unbeknownst to him, was a side-effect of his recent conversion into a devil, and the even more recent metamorphosis into a dragon. Neither of those two creatures were beings which were known to have extraordinary patience nor were they known to be the most easy-going. Then, combined with the increasingly annoying and frustrating fact that no matter how much or how often he seemed to beat his meat today, it would not be enough. Sure, he had always been a rather generous chicken choker, but normally, he would feel satisfied and gain gratification from the activity after about twenty or so rounds, as he was always sure to leave some for the next day.

Today alone however, the metaphorical meat in question had endured nothing less than _sixty_ beats, and _yet_ Issei was still not fully satisfied.

Not to also mention, the sheer number of times he had cockblocked and blueballed.

First, the hottest pairs of devils, Himejima-fucking-Akeno with the god-sent boobies, and Rias-fucking Gremory with the thighs of heaven – had fainted.

Then, an amazing, blonde-haired, innocent looking nun had fainted.

And now, the awesome sexy Dragon-Girl with the damn-boi melons committed suicide.

At this point, Issei was suitably irritated.

Considering how he'd already been banned from every strip joint and blacklisted by every whore or geisha house in Japan since he was six, he could not, unfortunately, pay for his sex.

Hence, it was this thought in mind, this mentality and slight frustration, unknown to the boy, which had caused a string of events to happen. As he was, Hyoudou Issei was now essentially a Dragon with the penis of a devil. However, his complete transition from being a human into being a dragon had also meant that he had gained the abilities of the dragon which was previously harnessed in his soul, and along with those abilities, came the world-breaking power that was the Boosted Gear.

Needless to say, Issei's ability to manipulate Causality and Reality had already been an accordion hooked up to seventy-thousand giant speakers. This, was of course, now amplified even _further_ , thanks to the power of a Longinus-class Sacred Gear.

So when they boy complained about not getting laid –

The world decided to alleviate that problem.

* * *

"It was an accident."

Those were four words that were often uttered by repentant teens or school girls, upon realizing that their nightly activities had eventually came with unexpected repercussions, in the form of a now swollen stomach. Most of the time, the resulting parents or guardians would go on to give a sarcastic or angry retort such as:

"Oh yes, I'm sure you _accidentally_ pulled your panties down, and _accidentally_ landed on his cock and _accidentally_ rode him until he came."

This of course, was something that could clearly never happen, and was meant to prove a point that it was impossible for such accidents to occur.

Until today, in which a Fallen Angel named Raynare experienced it for herself.

She would clearly also admit, to having no idea as to how it happened.

Oh, she remembered thinking the three words " _I'm so fucked"_ right before colliding with the boy at the door, but she had never expected them to become _literal_.

She'd crashed into him headfirst, and somehow, someway, the force of her impact had sent the boy barreling back, the nun on his shoulder falling and the contents of his bag spilling as, in some attempt to stabilize himself, he had grabbed at the portion of cloth which just so happened to cover Raynare's womanly regions.

Then, it seemed that his belt had been unbuckled, so in his fall, his pants went down to his knees, revealing that he had been hard all along. Gravity, as it was, now caught up with the unfortunate _falling_ angel.

And thus occurred the world's first case of accidental sex.

* * *

Raynare had no words.

Her eyes had bulged out, her throat had attempted to release a screech, but had instead let out a silent scream instead, as she felt nothing but sheer, unbridled _pleasure_ shoot up her, and she meant that in more ways than one. Then again, what else was she expecting when she had, against the rules of reality, _sat_ on Hyoudou Issei.

Ignoring the mind-bending pleasure that rocked through her at the surprise, her first, and most prominent instinct, was to scamper off, and do her best to pretend as though she had not just been stretched and filled to the brim by the boy underneath her.

Of course, someone, or something, had promptly waxed the floor with a hybrid of grease, baby-oil and butter. Her initial attempt to climb off failed spectacularly, as instead, she only managed to go up, slip on some powdery whitish substance that had somehow gotten on the floor, and then come back down on him, her eyes growing even wider from the first "ride".

Had she not been more focused on gritting her teeth and trying her best to ignore how absolutely _pleasurable_ the sensations were, she would have noticed that the floor was now covered with spilled drugs and a cracked bottle of alcohol.

Seeing as how she _didn't_ notice this rather tiny detail, she instead attempted once more, to rise, only for her feet to slip on the spilled alcohol, and she was sent sitting back down, for what had constituted as her second "ride".

" _MOTHERFU –"_

Raynare strangely found herself unable to speak, as a shockwave of euphoria ran throughout her body like an electric current. It felt _twice_ as good as the first one, and she was gritting her teeth even harder to stop the long moan that would have long since escaped from her mouth. Of course, this had a little something to do with the influence from a Sacred Gear which had the power to _boost_ certain things, and at this moment, that boost was being applied to the Fallen Angel's sense of _touch_ after each and every… "ride".

The Fallen Angel panted, her breath coming out in hot, heavy rasps. Her entire body felt as though it was on fire, her nipples were harder than ever, and with the restricting leather she wore, the simplest of movements would make them rub against the material, and send even more shockwaves of pleasure down her entire body. The worst part of her of course, was down below, where she could _feel_ every bulge and every pulse of the massive thing that was inside her, where even the tiniest of movements would cause her toes to curl and her brain to short-circuit.

Then, she finally stared upon the man who was below her.

 _Slurrrrp._

He…

 _Sluuuurrrp._

He…

 _Slurrrrrrrrpp._

He was eating a cup of take-out ramen.

"Well don't stop now. Try to make it to three at least."

Raynare did not know whether to be insulted, infuriated, or completely amazed.

"We're having sex."

She never imagined that she'd be saying those words to him of all people.

"I'm not an idiot, I can feel my dick inside you."

She also wondered how he managed to make _her_ feel stupid with that utterance.

"We're having sex, and you're eating ramen."

He shrugged. "It's not my fault that you're a boring lover."

Her jaw dropped.

"Can you hurry it up and orgasm already? I swear, doing it with left hand is more interesting than this."

Her face immediately flushed at the comment, and strangely enough, it was not from embarrassment. The small, minuscule part of Raynare's mind that had not been lost to the madness was telling her that she should be more concerned or annoyed as to the fact that their session had started by _pure_ accident, but considering how their _date_ had went, she had realized that the rules of the universe bent to satisfy the boy's perverted whims. The part of her which still possessed self-preservation instincts had roared that she was a two winged fallen angel, having sex, with the frickin' _Red Dragon Emperor_ , who could effortlessly snap her in half like a twig if he wanted to. Still, she ignored those two parts completely, and instead listened to the part of her that was filled with fury and indignation, that a teenage brat considered _masturbating_ _with his left hand_ to be an activity more pleasurable than having sex with her. _HER!_

"I'm going to show you, you fucking perverted brat!"

As it was however, fortune was not on Raynare's side. She had made the wise, or perhaps utterly foolish decision to ride the vehicle that was Hyoudou Issei, not noticing, nor realizing that this would be the third time she did so, and as such, her sense of touch would receive another massive boost from the action, courtesy of a rather powerful Longinus.

The first boost had multiplied her sense of touch by two, meaning that she was two times sensitive than normal. The second had multiplied it by an additional two, now making her four times more sensitive.

The third?

Her hips went up.

 _Sixteen times._

They came down.

And Raynare's world exploded.

* * *

Issei sighed, he should have expected this.

The moan which echoed as though he was exorcising a demon by shoving hot coals up its crevices was going to draw questions from his nosy neighbors, but he supposed the hardest part about this was going to finding a mop to clean up all the juices. Oh, and she just had to have squirted all over his drugs – it would be nice to know that he would get to smoke a fallen angel's orgasm.

Well… not really _fallen_ , now considering.

Yuuma Amano, or whatever her real name was, sat on top of him, back arced as though she was a contortionist in a yoga stance, eyes rolled blankly into the back of her head, toes curled and body still shuddering –

Now sported _two pairs_ of pristine, snowy, _white_ wings on her back.

Which receded back into her body as she fell off his dick, and plopped to the ground, unconscious.

Issei sighed.

Then, he packed up a packet of orgasm stained cocaine and put it into his noodles.

 _Sluuurrrp._

"Hm. Could use some salt."


End file.
